


Whatever or Something

by vaguelybritishme



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Family, Gen, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaguelybritishme/pseuds/vaguelybritishme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fan-written deleted scene of Jenni_Snake's fic in which a teenage GOB is caught with another boy in the locker room. After their parents argue about GOB's behavior, Lindsay and GOB discuss what happened at school today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever or Something

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Long-Term Suppression of an Adolescent Urge](https://archiveofourown.org/works/896236) by [Jenni_Snake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenni_Snake/pseuds/Jenni_Snake). 



> Thanks to Jenni_Snake for giving her blessing! Go read her fic, it's wonderful and heartbreaking and there's more to come!

"Heard you’re a fag."

“ _Lindsay—_ ”

"Hey, it’s not a big deal—well, I guess it’s  _kind_  of a big deal, mom and dad are really pissed—"

"Shut up and get out of my room!"

.

"…Well don’t you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about  _what_?"

“ _About_  what I heard listening in on Coach Sportler’s call tonight."

"You heard that? Damn it."

"Yeah. And I gotta say, I’m disappointed in you. You’re into all that dumb magic stuff, you’d think you’d be more stealthy and cunning about it. Maybe try some sleight of hand next time; sword swallowing is a little more conspicuous in public, don’t you think?" 

"It’s not my fa—I didn’t plan—it just sort of happened, okay, go away!"

"Yeah, well. It’s not like you’re the first Bluth that perv gym teacher caught deep throating a football player in the boys’ locker room."

.

"What, you—?"

"No,  _Michael_. Of course me, you dope! He didn’t make this kind of stink about it when it was me, though."

"You show him your boobs?"

"Ugh! That’s disgusting, GOB!"

.

"…He’s more of an ass man."

"Really?"

"I thought it was weird too, but hey, I’m not the one who got the phone call."

"…Do you think everybody at school will find out?"

"No way. James’ reputation is too important to him. He’s not gonna let this story get out. Oh, he could try to spin it so the gay is pinned only on you, sure, but that’s a risk he wouldn’t be willing to take. He still got his dick sucked by a dude. I’d stay away from him, though. Don’t expect him to give you his Letterman jacket and ask you to prom."

"…I’ll keep that in mind. Who needs him anyway? I wouldn’t want his comfortable, stylish jacket  _or_  to go with him, receive a perfect boutonniere he custom-made with me in mind, and share a romantic slow dance with him while a shitty power ballad played on prom night. I don’t—I don’t want  _any_  of that!"

.

"Of course not."

.

.

.

"So…so…mom and dad are really upset."

"That’s an understatement. I didn’t need to have listened in on the phone call. For people who really wanna keep a lid on this thing, they sure do know how to yell ‘Our son is a homosexual!’ pretty loud."

"But I’m  _not_  a—you know you’re right, they  _were_  yelling a lot, does Michael know? Oh  _no_ —"

"No, genius, he’s at that stupid debate club meeting, remember?"

"Right, thank god for his idiotic extrasurriculars—"

“ _Cur_ riculars, GOB, hard c—"

"But that just leaves—Bustie?"

"I wouldn’t worry about Bustie. After they hung up the phone I knew a shitstorm was coming, so I snuck him a juice box and told him he would find graham crackers in the garage if he looked hard enough. Even if the voices carried he’s in his own world now; nothing will get through to him for two hours at least."

"…That was… _nice_  of you, Lindsay."

"Yeah, whatever. Are you…like, okay or something?"

"Okay? Of course I’m, I’m okay, should—should—what would I have to be not okay about?"

"Well this whole gay thing seems to be an issue that’s fucking with your life right now."

"But you don’t get it, I’m definitely  _not_ —"

"Well what  _are_  you?"

"I’m—I’m obviously—well I’m  _not_ —"

"Look, GOB, be whatever you want, okay, but you did give half a blow job to James Fishhead. You’re a  _little_  gay."

"…Yeah maybe…Wait, so, are you…okay with this?"

"…Whatever, GOB, Fuck anybody. Fuck everybody, I don’t care. Just not me, though, we’re related."

"You? Ha! Kill me if I ever try to sleep with my  _sister_. Wait, so Michael’s off the table too, right?"

"Oh yeah, you’re kinda gay so you could want to fuck Michael, couldn’t you…Do you wanna fuck Michael?"

"Pfft! No, that’s disgusting, Lindsay, Michael is my  _brother_. I wouldn’t even think about it. Imagine it. Picture it. No, those are things I would  _not_  do. Besides, he has a girlfriend, he’d never go for it."

"Because he has a girlfriend? That’s the reason?"

"Yeah, that’s right. He’s no cheater. Someone in this family ought to be respectable."

"Right. Well I’ll just leave you to your thoughts that you’re… _not_  having about our brother."

"Wait! Stop right there, sister. This conversation never happened."

"Sure."

"I  _never_  said anything about being kinda gay."

"Of course not."

"You didn’t hear anything strange on the phone call."

"What phone call?"

"The phone—the call from Coach Sportler in which he revealed to mom and dad that I gave head to James, we’ve literally been talking about it the whole time, but no one can know so you can’t say—"

"Yeah, I knew which phone call you were talking about."

"Then why did you say—you’re confusing me."

"I was being—never mind. I won’t tell anyone about this GOB, I promise."

"Ever?"

"Never."

.

"Lindsay?"

"GOB?"

"…Thanks, or something."

"Yeah, whatever."


End file.
